WELCOME TO DINO LAND (SALINASAURUS)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

A piece of good news: i passed my driving licence on wednesday...

On the other hand, yesterday morning, my grandmother passed away....I had a bad feeling when i left the night before...but im also glad her suffering has ended... She has been in pain for 10 days in the hospital and so many things have happened and will happen as she goes...

Im glad that she went on a friday, an auspicious day for muslims..and im glad the weather was fine when she was buried..im glad she went in the morning so she could be buried on that very day...she was a good person..lots of love from her family and friends.

That morning, i reached JYSS early and started on my work which was piling up as i took 2 days off for driving...and at around 8+, i got an sms from my sister...grandma passed away...so i just stood there for awhile quietly for some time..then i went into my principal's room n asked her if i could leave...she allowed me ..i then told my company i was leaving and made necessary arrangements...i then left a note on my collegue's table n went off...took a cab to the hospital n cried silently in the cab..just thinking of her and how she was...even though we dont spend much time together, we interacted and i felt sad that now shes gone forever. Went up to the ward n see her space empty..i have been there everyday after work to see her trying hard to breathe and helping her rub her chest to calm her down and let her know we are there with her all the time..how i wish i was there when she took her last breath..my parents said she went slowly and calmly...

Went back to her house to help make preparations...when she was brought back...it was sad to see her just laying still...without a life..im still not use to seeing her just still...When i had my last look at her..kissed her forehead, i didnt cry....only did when they closed her face and wrapped her up...gone forever. No more grandma in my life...no more going to my grandma's house on weekends or on the first day of hari raya...no more grandma's cooking...the worse...my dad lost his mother forever...he already lost his dad before this. Then it made me think of my future...one day, i will be in his position...we will all lose our parents sometime...i wont know how to deal with that yet. Wont go into that....but sometimes, i do think about it and ill cry and im sure all of us will....

No more family gatherings on my dad's side...no more meeting my cousins on the first day of hari raya at my grandma's house...all her talents n skills lost...no more buying sireh leaves for my grandma...no more eating nice traditional kuih made by her..no more stories....missing her voice and her laughter, her walk n the touch of her skin...her beautiful eyes n her hair...i realize its harder to move on....especially for my dad...i thought of how he was raised by her from young..n how he grew up. Thought of how he took care of her when she was old....sick....never fail to visit her every week..i never see him cry...but im sure he did.

{1:23 AM}